


The one that I want

by Jadeylovesmarvel



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Minor Bucky Barnes/Natasha Romanov
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:48:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 5,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23103508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadeylovesmarvel/pseuds/Jadeylovesmarvel
Summary: Y/n begins a relationship with the emotionally closed-off James Buchanan Barnes, It's so wrong, he is her professor. He's older, sexy and she's captivated by himHe's just broke up with his girlfriend Natasha, and he's closed off and doesn't believe love exists. How can Y/n prove to him that it does? Will he let her? Or is it just hopeless ?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been wanting to do a professor Bucky x Reader series for a while and wrote this up last night on a whim.  
> Let me know what you all think 🌻😘 Also please do not copy or post my work elsewhere without my permission first.

"So, I assume they have been fighting again". Ray asks Y/n as she sits down at her desk and her eyes flick over to her professor Bucky Barnes. Y/n guesses that Ray is talking about Bucky's girlfriend Natasha Romanoff. 

She looks up at Bucky who is marking work quietly at his desk, bites his lip, running his hand through his hair. She's so attracted to him but it's so wrong, he's her professor, he has a girlfriend. He's a lot older, even though she is in her twenties but it still feels taboo. 

Still, on cold, lonely nights she can't help but fantasize about him, her body tingles, she would never ever do anything about it but it's fine to dream. There was nothing wrong with fantasies right?. She swallows as the image of her riding him on his desk enters her mind. 

She's never felt like this before, she's dated, immature men really but James isn't like that. They never really satisfied her at all, in fact, she's never had an orgasm, when she pleasures herself she can but not with her ex-boyfriends, not that there have been that many. 

Just two she flushes wondering if there is something wrong with her or if she just needs someone experienced who knows what they are doing. 

As class ends she stops at his desk and he smiles at her. 

"Hi, doll. You okay?". She smiles and nods, she just wants to ask him a few questions about her paper. He motions her to sit as the other students leave. 

🌻🌻💫💫🌻🌻💫💫🌻🌻💫💫🌻🌻💫💫🌻🌻 

Bucky's P.o.v 

She smells of vanilla, he swallows and concentrates on the work at hand. Fuck she's beautiful. If he wasn't with Nat he isn't sure he could stop himself from kissing her senseless and it's so god damn wrong. He doesn't like cheats and he wouldn't cheat on anyone ever. 

He's never felt this way before about a student. It's not like she's too young, she's in her twenties so age isn't an issue but it's the principle of the matter, isn't it? 

She is off-limits, he reminds himself that in his head and sighs as he sees Nat call, They've been fighting a lot recently, about her work hours, her friendship with her ex Clint... Smug bastard, Bucky hated him. He's sure Clint is trying to get Nat back and rubs it in his face. He texts her instead and pointedly ignores as Y/n bites on her perfect pink lips and he feels entranced by her in that perfect little dress, looking all sweetness and light. 

Fuck, he feels himself grow aroused and after finishing talking to Y/n he walks her out of the college and they chat about books and various things as they do, trying not to think of her bent over his desk with those perfect breasts splayed out and him between her thighs. 

🌻💫🌻💫🌻💫🌻💫🌻💫🌻💫🌻💫🌻💫🌻💫🌻 

Clint's P.O.V 

He watches Barnes walk out with that student again and smirks a master plan forming in his head. He wants Nat back and if he has to use some innocent woman to make that come true then he would. Especially as she seems to be a favourite of Barnes, the way he looks at her... 

Himself and Nat have been sleeping together for weeks, and he wanted her properly with him, not as a secret lover. He throws away his cigarette and begins to form a plan. He will get her back and Barnes won't know what's hit him.


	2. Chapter 2

She had been asked on a date by a lovely man called Clint, she had met him at a cafe near her house when he sat beside her as there were no spare tables. She's all dressed up and as she talks to Clint she despite his previous intentions feels like his mind is elsewhere.

It's a few moments later as she notices that Bucky jas came in with his beautiful girlfriend Natasha, Y/n feels a bit inadequate, God she looks like a goddess. What would James ever see in her? 

Strangely Clint smirks and she is noticed by Natasha and James confused when both their faces darken. Clint looks amused and she feels his hand on her thigh and is baffled by what is going on with the three of them? 

"I'm just going to get drinks gorgeous, okay?". She nods and watches as he heads over and the fireworks kick-off. 

Clint heads over and sees that Natasha is glaring at him and Bucky. "Nat, Barnes". Natasha swears. 

"What the fuck are you doing?". He bites his lip and smirks. 

"I'm here with your gorgeous student Barnes, she's so pretty. Will look even prettier with her legs wrapped around my waist, gonna have a lot of fun, a whole lot of fun with her". 

Barnes growls, actually growls. "You're doing this to piss me off aren't you?". He shrugs and sighs. 

"Maybe, maybe not. Maybe, I just think she's gorgeous? You're so paranoid, Barnes.". Natasha glares. 

"How dare you drag an innocent woman into our shit? God, you're an ass". 

He smirks. "An ass whos name you were screaming out loud for three weeks". Barnes stiffens and turns to Natasha. 

"Wtf?? Nat, is he serious?". Nat flushes and swallows. 

"Oh of course not babe, I... he". She storms out face flushed and Barnes stiffens. 

"Maybe you just don't satisfy her enough Buckaroo, I plan to fuck that student of yours tonight btw, have that pretty little figure and those fantastic tits bouncing as she rides me". 

Barnes swears. 

"Leave her out of this, I fucking swear. She's innocent and I...". He smirks. 

"What's wrong Barnes?, jealous I can fuck her and you can't"?. Barnes first meets his face and then he feels wine being tossed over him and an angry Y/n. 

"How dare you use me to make your ex jealous and hurt James". She storms out then and Barnes follows her. Well, he shrugs that went well. 

James P.O.V 

He follows Y/n outside and gently takes her arm, heart aching at the tears in her eyes. She bites her lip, it wobbles and he gently touches her cheek. 

"Sweetheart". She sniffs and pulls her into his arms whispering words of comfort. Her body pressed against his feels like heaven and he swallows. 

"Doll?". She peers up at him tearful and he swears softly and strokes her cheek. 

"I thought he liked me, I thought he... I'm so stupid. Why would he want me? Of course, it's about your girlfriend she is beautiful and I'm". He swears. 

"You're a stunning baby, don't put yourself down". She bites her lip and smiles sadly. 

"I should get home, it's late, I'll be okay. I'll see you tomorrow okay?". She leaves before he can see anything and he swears, needing to have it out with Nat. 

He finds her at the back of the restaurant, Clint fucking her from behind against the wall. She stops as she sees him and moves past Clint as James stares at her disgusted. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but Clint is my soulmate, James". He shakes his head still stunned she can be so callous. 

"What the fuck, Nat? Are you serious?". 

" James comes on, do you even love me? I don't love you, It's Clint, it's always been, Clint". He stiffens. 

"No, I don't love you". She bites her lip. 

"The PTSD from the army, the nightmares. I can't handle it, I need someone whole, normal, I'm so sorry". She walks away then and he feels sick to his stomach at Clint's smug grin. 

Y/n's P.o.v 

She hovers at Jame's desk nervously. He's been rude and snappish all day and she bites her lip as he orders her to shut the door once everyone leaves the class. What does he want? She feels arousal pool inside her despite his annoyed tones. 

"On the desk". He orders and she gapes but obeys, and feels so turned on. " But sir". He growls and says harshly. 

"Are you disobeying me?". She moans as he kisses her neck. "You're so fucking beautiful, fuck. Do you know what you do to me in those tiny little dresses?". She whimpers as his thumb circles around her clit. 

"But Natasha?". He's stripping her of her dress and tugging off his shirt and jeans, she groans. He's so beautiful. Before she can speak he's swearing eyes diluted in lust. 

"Look at you those perfect breasts". He's kissing her everywhere and she's in heaven as he disappears between her thighs. She stops him. 

"Wait?". He looks up. 

"Do you want this baby?". She nods. 

"Yes but Nat". He swallows and answers. 

"We are over baby". Oh, she loses herself in him them, she doesn't care. This is the riskiest and sexiest thing she's ever done. 

"I haven't, I've never been able to orgasm before". She whispers and he smirks. 

"Don't worry, when I'm done with you. I'll have you screaming my name". He says as he enters her and cries out that she is so tight and perfect. 

He does make her orgasm, over and over and over again as multiple orgasms swarm over her and her nails dig into his back. His lips bite into her shoulder and he swears. 

"On top, now. I want you to ride me and see those perfect tits bouncing up and down". She does and she rides him into perfect oblivion the risk of being caught spurring her on more


	3. Chapter 3

She can't concentrate in class, all she can think about is James between her things. What she did yesterday was so risky but so hot... The moans that left him only served to turn her on more and she feels herself growing wet thinking of him.

His eyes meet hers and he smirks and winks when no one else is looking then announces that its the end of class and for everyone to pack up. 

She waits anxiously wondering what he's going to do but to her disappointment, he does nothing and says to her. 

"Anticipation beautiful, I plan to fuck you all weekend long". She tingles in anticipation and follows him to his car, they drive a few blocks before he parks it and pulls her on his knee. She moans straddling him. 

His hand slips between her thighs. "So wet for me doll". He cups her backside and moans then smirks. 

"I am going to fuck you, in every single room in my house". He begins to play with her clit but she disarms him unzips his jeans and he swears as she wraps her mouth around his thick, long member. The moans that come from him turn her more and she takes him in fully, in and out, in and out. 

His hot seed spills into her mouth as he comes and growls. 

"Fuck". She gives him, her best smile and he sighs. 

"That was amazing doll, so fucking good". She shrugs, and they begin their drive again. "I aim to please". 

🌻🌻💫💫🌻🌻💫💫🌻🌻💫💫🌻🌻💫💫🌻🌻💫 

James P.O.V 

When he wakes in the morning it is too an empty bed, he hears music and grins pulling on some boxers and heading through, pausing as she sways happily to the music, clad in his shirt. A beaming smile on her face. 

He wraps his arms around her and kisses her softly, he loves kissing her or having his hands on any part of her body. She yawns and smiles at the delicious food she's making. 

"Morning beautiful". She turns to kiss him in greeting and bites her lip after a moment. 

"James, what Is this?". She asks softly. "Us?". He frowns and then sighs, shit he is gonna have to just be abrupt, isn't he? 

It's sex doll, mindblowing sex, it's the fucking best I've ever had, but I can't offer you more than that, I'm sorry". Her face falls and he feels his chest ache. 

He only wants her, and only her. He tells her this and she smiles a bit, he just knows she deserves better than someone like him, how could a sweetheart like her cope with the nights he woke screaming from the nightmares of the army? What would she think of the scars on his left shoulder? She had been too lost in pleasure to fully notice them last night. 

Once they have had breakfast, he spreads her over his kitchen table and kisses up to the apex of her things, leaving love bites as he goes, enjoying as she begins moaning. 

"Are you okay with this?". He asks her later. "I want only you doll but this will just be physical?". She nods after a pause and kisses him. 

Y/n's p.o.v 

Just sex? Seemed simple enough, she could do this... Couldn't she?. She agrees and James offers for some ground rules. 

"Like I said I only want you, so no dating other people, sleeping with other people". She smiles and nods then says to him. "I only want you too". His smile stays before vanishing. 

"Baby I'm going to be blunt, I'm not emotionally available, it drove Nat nuts but I want you to prepare for it. This will be just sex like I said, I can't offer anything else". She swallows and asks curiously. 

"What's the other rules?". He pauses thoughtful as he thinks of some. 

"Please don't get attached to me, I don't do love sweetheart". She blinks startled then agrees. Okay, no attachment. 

"What if you get attached to me? I'm adorable". She teases. He chuckles. 

"That you are, eat up. I have plans for you". Ooh? Her body tingles, she can't wait.


	4. Chapter 4

She's been having one of those days where everything feels so meh and shitty, attempting to cheer herself up she decides to visit Bucky and maybe have a bit fun with him.

As she heads up to his classroom she hears him speaking to Steve, he's not exactly quiet either but she doesn't want to disturb them. She hears her name being spoken and bites her lip.

"You're fucking that Y/n woman? Oh, come on, Bucky!". She freezes and shifts closer.

"For fuck sake Steve, she's in her twenties, she wants me as much as I want her. What's the problem?".

"She's still your student Buck".

She's just a fuck! It means nothing". She doesn't know why but her heart drops in her stomach and she feels sick moving away from the door.

Y/n knows this, she does, so why is it an issue now?. Maybe because he was so blunt? . She bites her lip and composes herself.

Steve comes out and she avoids seeing him, worried he will look down on her or just think she's some silly woman. He doesn't look happy at all.

She can hear Bucky swearing and he glares at her then softens before frowning.

"Were you just eavesdropping on my conversation with Steve?". She stutters and blinks.

"Ahh no". His eyes narrow a little and he motions her over as he sits on his chair.

"Are you lying to me doll?". Shit, she avoids his eye.

"That's it over my knee now". She blushes, and he strokes her hair hitching up her dress and moaning.

"I expect you to listen and tell the truth sweetheart, I don't like liars". She swallows and braces for her punishment, he spanks her. It's a little softer than she was expecting but the intent is clear and when he is done, he sits her upright and cuddles her in his chest.

She feels weird, and a little bit aroused. Honestly, she doesn't know what to expect, she cuddles into him closer as he strokes her hair and she doesn't understand how he can be so soft one minute and dominant the next.

Still, she muses she did like it and maybe it's something they could incorporate into the bedroom?

🌠✨

Once she is in bed, she has time to think, James never stays over when they have sex, she wishes he would. She's a cuddle bug and his arms are so nice and strong and she would like to fall asleep wrapped up in them.

Something settles in her chest, it's an ice cold feeling and she hates it. She snuggles in to her pillow and struggles to sleep.

🌻

After a disrupted sleep, she gets up and heads out to meet James, planting a smile on her face as he kisses her. She can do this just sex thing right? She nods, of course she can she is just being silly.

The next hour he has her pinned to the bed driving orgasm after orgasm out of her and she grips his hair forgetting her feelings just for a little while.

He kisses back up her body meeting her lips as he sheaths inside her.

"You're so beautiful, baby". She smiles and kisses him hungrily.

They are disturbed by someone coming in the door and she squeals and Bucky swings of her.

She hears him speaking to Steve, and pulls on his shirt. Staying in his room, it's not like she can be introduced to his friends? She feels a little ashamed, she wishes they could be less secretive and more public but they can't.

She feels like his dirty little secret and it hurts, the sex is mindblowing and she likes him so much. She swallows, fuck! She's an idiot.

( Just sex relationships never work do they?)


	5. Chapter 5

The first time she realises that James isn't quite over Nat yet is when she catches him staring at a picture of the two of them on his desk.

Y/n feels a bit insecure, Natasha was beyond beautiful, a knockout, how does she compare?. She gently takes his hand. 

"Did you love her? Nat?". He peers up at her and shakes his head. 

"No, I didn't, I did care for her though, I told you, baby. I don't believe in love, it doesn't exist". She frowns and shakes her head. 

"Yes, it does, you just haven't met the one yet, you'll know when you meet her, your heart feels so full of happiness and you would do anything to make them happy, they are the light of your life". 

He softens a bit watching her then sighs. 

"God, you're sweet. Come here". He motions her to sit on his knee and strokes her cheek. She does and he sighs, "So beautiful baby". She flushes and he sits her on his desk. 

"I'm going to take you back home and fuck you senseless". 

🌻✨ 

He fucks her as soon as they get in the door, she swears as he sprawls her over his bed and spreads her wide, pleasuring her orally then begins to fuck her fast and hard. She orgasms three times and feels so overstimulated crying out as James begins to fuck her again. 

"Come on baby, again". He moans and she feels her fourth orgasm dragging out and falls against him limp and sated. 

She sees the scars on his shoulder and gently strokes over them, planting gentle kisses on each one, he tenses and moves away. 

"Don't baby, don't" he snaps. She watches as he moves away and looks down upset. He swallows. 

"I find them disgusting, I hate my scars.". She gets up and cuddles into him. 

"You don't need to hide away from me, they don't bother me, they aren't disgusting or horrible. If you ever want to talk about it. We can". He nods, quiet and she touches his cheek confused at why he's so distant and cold. 

"Why won't you let me in? you're so closed off and I". 

"Because it's who I am! I don't need to open up, I don't need anyone, this is just sex Y/n, I'm not here to talk about feelings. Nat tried to make me do that and it never worked". 

She scowls and sighs not pushing him again, she gets up and dressed. 

"I'm going to make some food if you're hungry come down". When she's alone, she feels the tears fall wishing things were different. 

🌻✨ 

She tells Ray everything the next day and he gasps stunned. 

"You're kidding you, little minx, fucking your professor? Naughty. Still in all seriousness what are you expecting from this babe?". 

"Nothing it's just sex Ray and please don't tell anyone". He pauses and looks at her like she's crazy. 

"Of course I won't and You can't do just sex babe. It's not in your nature. You're gonna fall for him and I worry he might break your heart if he still can't love". She bites her lip and knows she doesn't have an answer for that. 

🌻✨ 


	6. Chapter 6

It's the third time this week that Jake one of the College Playboys has tried to flirt with her, she pays him no attention as it's just Bucky that she wants.

When Bucky catches on he's pissed and after class, he has her up against the wall fucking her hard and cups her cheek so she is looking him in the eyes. 

"You're mine. Do you understand that? You think some college boy can fuck you the way I can?". She moans as he sucks on her neck and she comes hard. Finally, she settles against him and he kisses her hair much softer than his previous hard fucking. 

"Mine". He kisses her again and she melts into his touch. 

🌻✨ 

The next day when she is accosted by Jake again she decides to turn him down gently. 

" Look, Jake, you're lovely but I'm not interested in seeing anyone". He cuts her off and swears. 

"You what? Do you only like older guys or some shit? You're only a slut for them? Fuck you, you pretentious bitch". She blinks stunned he has turned so awful and walks away. 

"Hey, I'm talking to you". He grabs her arm hard and she yelps but Jake scarpers before she can tell him to fuck off. 

Miserable she hurries away and knows Bucky is with Steve so she heads home heart-hurting. 

Bucky arrives at hers a half an hour later as she lays in bed and hastily wipes away her tears asking her what is wrong. 

She explains shakily and she sees the anger in his eyes as he notices her bruise and kisses her whispering to her gentle soothing words. 

"I want to deck the fucker, what an asshole, you're not a slut baby. You're the sweetest woman I know. This is a consensual relationship between us and no one else. Fuck him, come here. How about I run you a bath? I'll join you?". 

She nods and he runs her a soothing bath, lighting some candles and does join her ever so tenderly washing her hair and planting tender kisses over her head.


	7. Chapter 7

She finds herself growing more and more attached to James, she doesn't mean to but she can't help it, despite what he's told her.

She would love to meet his friend's properly but she knows that can't happen. He's been so sweet with her the last few days but she knows nothing had changed. 

As she settles in his bed for a little bit, she hears voices downstairs and sighs hovering upstairs, clad in his shirt. 

She dresses and as James comes back upstairs he frowns. 

"Doll?". She smiles. 

"I Should go, it's late, your friends are here". He pauses and captures her arm. 

"Wait, sweetheart, ". She swallows and says softly, needing to ask him the question that's been playing on her mind. 

"Let's just cut to the chase, you're ashamed of me?, I don't look like Nat, I'm not a goddess like her, God, Steve would never like me". He blinks and shakes his head. 

"What!!? Fuck no". Her lip wobbles and sniffs feeling teary. 

"Yes you are, I can't hold your hand in the street, go on dates with you. Stay over". He scowls. 

"What do you want from me? this is just sex doll. I don't do love, I don't do romance. You knew what this was when we started this". She hugs herself, craving comfort. 

"You were romantic last week, the bath, the candles". She murmurs. 

"You were upset, fuck doll, the things you want I can't give you, ever". She nods sadly. 

"It's sex doll that's all, why are we talking about this? If you aren't happy then go and find someone who will make you happy". He stiffens and she feels her heartbreak. 

"And you'd be okay with that?". He scowls. 

"Why wouldn't I?". 

"I understand". She doesn't mean anything to him, She heads past him, he doesn't even call her back. She races past and feels utterly devastated, she thought maybe he would care... Guess she was wrong. 

🌻✨


	8. Chapter 8

She stays in bed for a full day and cries out all of her hurt, she misses James so much but obviously, she means nothing to him. He always told her that so why is just realising it now? 

After consuming a lot of chocolate and tea, she showers and attempts to read, anything to take her mind of her aching heart but nothing works. She feels restless and sick and she can't relax. 

She wonders if James is feeling the same? 

Buckys P.O.V 

He's restless, he can't sleep. Nightmares kept him awake last night of his time in the army and Y/n wasn't in class today. He feels sick to his stomach and doesn't understand why? She was just a sexual outlet why does he care? 

He misses her sweet smile, her relentless positivity. He misses being buried deep inside her and claiming her as his. He misses her perfect breasts, her giggle when his stubble would tickle her. 

Fuck! He finishes class early and heads home drowning out his sorrow in beer and finally snaps out of it. He doesn't need her, he doesn't need her sweet, perfect self. He doesn't, he's fine. 

🌻✨ 

He wakes up for the fourth time later on panic overtaking him and he gropes for his phone, shaking and not thinking.

He dials Y/n's number and she answers sleepily.

"Hello, James?", he hesitates, "Bucky?". He swallows and says shakily. 

"I need you, baby, I'm so sorry". She doesn't ignore him or hang up, she announces she's coming over. She arrives within minutes and she's in his arms and everything feels better like he can breathe again. 

He carries her to bed and she cuddles into his chest as he peppers her with kisses, losing himself in her and her beautiful body and light. 

He wakes the next morning to her wrapped around him and he feels at peace. Content. 

"I don't want you to find anyone else baby, I'm so sorry, I don't want anyone else". She kisses him sweetly and nestles into his side as relaxed as he feels. 

🌻✨ 

Y/n feels better that she and Bucky have made up, she spends a couple of days at his and him at hers, so at least he is staying over and there seems to be a bond now. She truly thought what she had with Bucky was done but it turns out it's not and for that, she's so happy. 

She does worry though, she is rapidly falling for him and what happens when love enters the equation?. Especially as he can't love? Could she be the one to change that? 

"What's that sweet smile for miss adorable?". Bucky teases and she giggles. 

"Nothing, just happy. That's all. Now snuggles please". He obliges pulling her close and she falls asleep snug in his chest.


	9. Chapter 9

The first night that Bucky has nightmares is a few days into her staying over and she panics at first as she hears his cries.

She wakes startled and sees him thrashing around in bed and gently soothes him. 

"Hey, hey it's okay". He wakes and clambers out of bed shivering and shaking, there are tears in his eyes and his breathing is shallow. She kisses up his bare back and softly cuddles into him. 

"You're okay, it's okay". She rubs his back. 

"Please sweetheart, go, I'm okay". She pauses and kisses him tenderly, and does soothing motions over his back. 

"I'm not leaving you". He wipes his eyes and he swallows looking embarrassed. She cups his cheek and says softly. 

"Never, ever feel embarrassed with me, I'm not going anywhere. I adore you and I will sit with you through any nightmare, any panic attack. You never ever have to hide from me". 

He rests his forehead against hers and kisses her. 

"I'm a mess". She shakes her head and soothes him whispering soft reassurances. 

"No, no you aren't my love, shh. You're okay, you're here with me. Whenever you want to talk about your nightmares, your scars, anything. I'm here". He rests against her chest. 

"I just need you". They kiss softly, he's gentle as he lays her back on the bed, kissing every part of her that he can reach and makes his way down to the apex of her thighs and pleasures her so perfectly, his stubble tickles her inner thighs and she shrieks with giggles. 

He smiles meeting her eyes and kisses back up to her lips, he slowly sheaths inside her. 

"No, let me take care of you". She touches his cheek and settles on him, slowly straddling him, taking the time to kiss over his face and cheeks and nose which incites a smile from him. 

He reaches up meeting her lips, cupping her breasts and holding her close.

🌻✨ 

She meets Bucky's friends officially at the weekend. She worries mainly about Steves reaction as he watches her and Bucky but his gaze softens when Bucky kisses her and holds her close. 

As she gets some water, Steve approaches her. "Bucky told me what you did,". She turns to him confused and he elaborates. 

"His nightmares about the army, the PTSD, Nat wasn't very good with them, or the women he has been with before would shy away. He feels embarrassed by them but you were so sweet, so gentle, he said. Thank you for making my friend happy. He adores you, you know. He might not act like it all the time but he does". She beams. 

"Well, I adore him". She does so much and Steves sweetness and the fact his other Friends like her too make her so happy. She gets on really well with Peggy and Wanda and she's so much calmer now that she's a proper part of Bucky's life. 

🌻✨ 

After a relaxing bath and some cuddles and kisses, Bucky surprises her as he says softly. 

"I have a surprise for you doll, turn around". She does and she feels a light weight on her neck and looks down gasping at the beautiful necklace. Heart-shaped and just so simple and elegant. Perfect. 

"Oh, Bucky it's so beautiful, thank you, this is so sweet". He kisses her cheek and smiles. 

"You really like it?". She nods heart full of such happiness and she cups his cheek and kisses him. 

"Yes, yes so much". 

"I just wanted to do something nice, make you smile". She grins, he's such a sweet man. 

"Really, thanks Bucky". She kisses him again and curls up with him on the bed content and happy.


	10. Chapter 10

She has her first double date with James, Steve and Peggy and feels so happy. She and James have come so far, she adores him and he seems to adore her.

When they all head back to Buckys for drinks she settles on his knee with some scotch in hand and talks happily to Peggy. The night flies in and when Peggy and Steve leave, Bucky is soon tugging off her clothes and laying her on the floor on his plush rug. 

Between the glow of the fire and the soft, slow way he's kissing her and pleasuring her, this feels so different, it feels like lovemaking. 

It isn't hard and fast, it's beautiful and perfect and her orgasms go on for so long. It's always mindblowing with him but this is just unreal. She cries into his shoulder as he looks into her eyes and kisses her forehead sweetly. 

I love you she thinks in her head and he pours into her moaning and rests his head against hers. 

"Fuck baby". She smiles and settles in his arms as he pulls a thick blanket over them and they fall asleep. 

💫🌻 

She loves him, she loves him. Fuck, she's so screwed, isn't she? She can't tell him, he doesn't feel the same way, does he? He adores her yes but love? 

Shit! 

🌻💫 

She gets her answer a few days later as he kisses her. 

"I adore you, do you know that?". She smiles softly and feels the words build in her throat. 

"James, I...". He strokes her cheek and she feels the word's stick in her throat. The tears start forming and he frowns. 

"Baby?". She swallows hard and says quietly her heart breaking. 

"What's wrong sweetheart, tell me please?". She shakes her head. She can't. She can't tell him. 

"Doll". She shakes and says softly. 

"I love you". He stiffens against her and she feels sick, fuck this is it isn't it? He pulls back. 

"What? doll. No, you can't love me". She smiles sadly and fells her stomach churn. 

"Well, I do, I love you, James". He shakes his head and steps back. 

"No, no, no I'm not. I can't make you happy". She feels her heart break completely and she cups his cheek. 

"You do". 

"No, you, you deserve so much better sweetheart, I can't". She nods sadly. 

"Okay, I, I guess I should go then". His eyes widen and he tries to stop her. 

"No, no, baby please". She looks up at him sadly and his expression changes and he swallows hard. "You're right I should let you go, I adore you but I adore you enough to let you go and find someone who loves you". 

It hurts, everything hurts. She drags herself from him and breaks down as she gets to her car.


	11. Chapter 11

Two weeks later.

Buckys P.O.V 

He's a wreck, he misses her badly. It's been two weeks and he is aching to be with her. Steve tries to reason with him but he can't function. He just wants her. Why did he let her go? Why didn't he just explain that he's scared, that he does love her? He's never been in love before but with Y/n despite his cynicism, it's something that happened so easily. 

He can't concentrate on work, he's just a mess, he can't do this. He needs to get her back...He needs her. 

🌻💫 

She receives flowers at her door the next day, she knows its from him and God she wants him back and feels like she should listen at least to what he wants to say, so she goes to meet him. 

. When she does, he is standing with flowers and her favourite chocolates, he looks as much as a wreck as she does. 

"I can't do this I need you back baby". She's hesitant and he cups her cheek. 

"I'm so sorry, god I do love you so much and I should have said but I was just scared". She sniffs sadly and cups his cheek. 

"You do?". He nods and says tenderly. 

"So much, come home with me". She does and he explains everything to her, his fears, he talks about his time in the army, his PTSD. Everything. Once he is done she cuddles him in her arms and for the first time in weeks feels like she can breathe again 💫 

"This is it this time, I swear I lost you twice, it's not happening again, I love you and this is it for me". He mumurs and she gently takes his hand knowing this is it for her too.


End file.
